Not so AustralianSuper

It's not every day (or even decade) that the most powerful person on earth commits extravagant national self-harm just so he can feel alive. What a thing. I mean, couldn't someone have just bought him a skydiving voucher? 

The timing could scarcely have been made worse by a group of Australian superannuation funds that fell victim to an unsophisticated hack last month, but which they only made public on Friday – during the first ASX trading session since Donald Trump's "Liberation Day" tariffs sent global markets into freefall. 

Australian Retirement Trust had first been hacked on March 8, nearly four weeks earlier, yet the breaking news on April 4 that accounts at ART plus AustralianSuper, Hostplus, Rest Super and Insignia had been compromised sent panicked hordes of their members rushing online to check for any personal impact.[[Bear in mind, this was almost three weeks after ART accounts had first been compromised in the first phase of the hack.]]  

At AustralianSuper, many accounts (incorrectly) displayed a zero balance. Talk about freaking people the f— out! Soon after, those online portals crashed (or at least in Rest Super's case, was shut down), locking dismayed members out of their accounts.

AustralianSuper's member communications were particularly unhelpful. "If you are concerned, check your transactions for any unusual activity," the fund instructed members when, due to the outage, they were unable to check their transactions.